The silence is deafening

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood."

It's hard to imagine how things would've turned around if certain preliminary events did not transpire and make an enormous impact on my life, hopefully all for a good lesson. I've learned that it is important to be kind and not bitter no matter what circumstance you may be in. Embracing the here and now is crucial because there is no other way.

Life is an ocean wave realizing itself as the entire ocean as it comes and goes upon the shore and kisses it as it departs. Nothing remains stagnant forever, all things come and go; even if that may be something you're awfully familiar with, it may nevertheless become a mere concept to you as quick as sand. Grace is the only exception. Grace fills empty spaces but can only be filled when there is a void to receive it and it is grace itself which makes this void.

Your attitude is a mere realization that you have a duty here in the world to make a change and to create peace within yourself and reflect it toward others. I believe that I know and share the many sorrows and sad circumstances that a human being can experience but I do not cling to them as a form of sadness. They pass through me as a stream and life continues.

I haven't sang the song to my heart in ages. I can't tell you how long it's been since I've felt true joy in my heart, and even if that may be for only a short few minutes, it never really lasts. I feel like I have lost so much by trying to gain so little and even though I'm not at a place where I shall lament over my pain and sorrow, I do what I can to try to survive every day. Because in the end, that's what matters. Never give up. The very least you can do is pay attention to your life's circumstances and that's what I try to figure out most. How can I pay attention to my life through mere self compassion and humiliation and still try to perservere? Well the answer is "do your part." Show up however you can every single day. And just watch how things turn around for you.

It's rather quiet here lately. I can feel my throat tighten and lock up like a fist contracting every time I try to express my true intentions and it's truly heart breaking where I can't be myself; especially being unable to create relationships with people I want to have a connection with. It feels cold and empty and the more I try to build a strong foundation within my innermost being, I manage to find myself in bewilderment and in a mere void. I stay quiet. It's probably best. I'm okay. I like staying in the quiet because it helps me stay close to my heart. Life really is like a wave, as all things come and go like a memory instilled in our minds which we are never consciously aware of. That's probably why I never know what I want.

So much has changed but at the same time it's as though they have remained the same. It's hard to tell. You know the feeling where you're nostalgic over something you haven't lost yet? Well there's my way of explaining my current state of flow. Be well, my love.